WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

Where have you been?

Hello.

Hello.

How are you?

Sounds like Adele.

Nope. It’s me, Shauna.

I’ve been on a long break — two months, to be exact.

My family and I had a huge scare right before Christmas, and I closed up like a clam on the seashore.

Why?

My husband got into a huge car accident and totaled his truck going 55+ mph – slamming right into the back of a sudden stopped few cars ahead of him in the fast lane. It came out of nowhere, and he didn’t have time to react. Other than to put up his arms to protect his face.

I got the call from him on December 16. I was putting my little guy down for a nap.

And my worst fears were on the other line.

He was freaking out.

I couldn’t really understand him with all the gibberish. Just that he was worried about the car in front of him. His truck was trashed.

Something about the hospital. 

Dealing with his crash and health.

The car insurance company.

The rental car company.

The hospital.

It was a nightmare.

Having only one car, plus having to nurse my husband back to health and still care of three young boys.

I became exhausted and tapped out.

But the fact was, I was already exhausted and tapped out. Just never slowed down enough to process it.

My only response was to shut down physically.

I couldn’t process any more sh*t happening in my life.

No more decisions.

No more errands.

No more cooking.

No more stress!

I was walking on thin ice and everyone around me knew I was at my breaking point.

My husband was healing by this time but the immediate shock of it all really knocked me to my core.

What if I lost my husband?

What if he was gone?

And I was to care for three boys, a house, a family, all the stuff we have, our 12 acres of land that’s without a house, BY MYSELF?

What if????

Soon afterward — one of my most favorite people in the world was in the hospital and possibly having a heart attack or kidney failure. Yikes!

I felt powerless and depressed and distracted and lost.

So, I did what I needed to do.

Shut off everything.

Social media. My business. Friends. Bills. 99% of my responsibilities.

I did the bare minimum and officially checked out.

My kids were fed, rested, and taken care of. Win! But I wasn’t in any mood to play or be there like I usually was.

Cooking? Yea. Not so much.

Pizza and mac n cheese were on the menu most nights – all takeout or Annie’s boxed.

I turned on Netflix and went on a binge.

Blacklist. Narcos. Orange is the new black. Medici.

Anything and everything to help me not have to make one more decision.

I needed to rest.

I needed all of it to just stop.

And so the past two months, I’ve done what my body needed.

I rested.

The good thing coming from something scary?

• I listened to my body and asked her what she needed.
• I took a long, hard look at my life and wanted to start making it MY life. Not running it how someone else thought I should.
• I signed up for therapy. And have been going regularly. 
• I started walking my oldest to school and taking a long way back.
• I asked my husband to take me out on more dates and have more alone time.
• I pulled my middle from a crappy situation in Kindergarten and signed him up for fun classes to play instead of stress out. Come on. He’s five!
• I wrote down my priorities for MY life. And organized them accordingly.
• I went to the dr and talked about the possibility of taking anti-anxiety meds.

To cope. To process. To take the edge off. For now.

We’ll see what happens with that. Not sure I’m excited about the side-effects but that’s for another post.

• I went on a mini solo vacation to one of my fave spots in the world and my old stomping grounds — San Diego — where I’m writing this article right now.

In a small cafe looking out to the busy street of beach-goers.

• I got a two-hour massage.
• I walked for two hours on the beach. Collected seashells to bring back to my boys. And husband. In quiet. No chatting or busyness.

Essentially, I’m starting to put myself first.

I can’t change what’s going to happen.

Not here, not now, not tomorrow or in six years.

I know that I want to make my life amazing again.

I know that I want to enjoy every minute with my kids and my husband. And make them a priority again.

More being present and enjoying the small things.

I also know that I want and need to get back to myself. And my dreams.

I need to create space for myself. Quiet space. No chaos. Just calmness.

To think. To read. To sit. To enjoy a guilty pleasure of a Blacklist binge on Netflix if I need it. And not give a sh*t about what I should be doing or what someone says I need to be doing.

No more guilt.

To go to the beach (my happy place). To hang with me often. To get back to the strong, confident, energetic, and silly girl I once was.

To take care of myself. My mental health. My body. To move freely. Be the best I can be for ME first. And then take care of the rest.

“You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Fill yours up first.

I can’t be everything to everyone. I can only be what I am.

I need to realize that and be more patient with myself.

So, what does this mean for Rockin’ Mom’s Kitchen?

My heart yearns to make my business successful and exciting.

To create new products, to share my story, to inspire women – busy, tired, stressed, and tapped out women all over the world.

But, I can’t do that when I’m not speaking my truth and trying to be something I’m not.

I don’t have the bandwidth.

I’m not someone who has it all together. Or someone who is organized. My life on most days is a sh*t storm of running around, kids, food, rushing, tears, driving too fast, forgetting to pay bills, or that my oldest’s assignment is still sitting on the table but I just dropped him off at school. I’m constantly minutes behind schedule, drinking too much coffee, sugar, and lately, eating out. 

But, I’m human. And I’m doing the best I can right now with all of the circumstances and the cards I’ve been dealt.

And I’m excited that I’m finally realizing this. Just wish it didn’t take a huge car accident and possible heart attack of a close friend to do that.

But, that’s sometimes life, huh?

So, what excites me?

I’ll first start with this.

What doesn’t excite me is having to feel like I need to post only recipes all day, every day. On social media.

And just use my website for recipes. To label myself by a particular diet or new fad or trend. It’s just not me. 

And to be honest, if I hear about strict, rigid diets anymore I’m gonna throw up.

I’m so much more than food. 

I am me and that’s all I can be. 

• I love beginner gardening.
• Re-growing food.
• Experimenting with food and how I can whip sh*t up in 20 minutes with nothing in the kitchen.
• Traveling.
• Finding ways to incorporate movement without having to be dragged to the gym with the sweaty muscle guy who looks like he’s about to burst.
• Staying up till 1 is on Pinterest to create boards for interior design. For my new house, we’re planning to build. On 12 acres?! 
• Creating products for women (particularly moms) so they can feel good in their bodies. Without all the stress of should’s, could’s, or would’s.  I want to empower women to take control of their health. But in a quick and easy way. No stress or judgment.
• Shooting cooking videos with my crazy a*s kids in the background. It’s hilarious. (Not sure why I’ve always shot my videos when everyone was outside or napping?! Just thought it was what I was “supposed” to be doing).
• Dancing in the kitchen. With my kids. And without them. Just because it’s fun. And because I love to dance.
• Sharing my favorite things – what books I’m reading, songs I’m listening to, ways I’m trying to get out of my funk that shows up a couple of times a year.
• And sharing my least favorite things. Or things I’m scared of. Or that I worry about.

Food is just one small part of me.

And interrupting a beautiful date night with my husband to snap a photo of our delicious dinner (then taking 10 minutes to edit) and post on social media, to me, right now, is unacceptable.

So, today, I’m stepping away from all the should’s.

And stepping into what works for me, right now.

I don’t know exactly that means at the moment.

But I want to get back into my groove, create new products, live, love, enjoy life, without sacrificing the time I have with my family.

I’m going to do what works for me right now. Whatever that is.

Reprioritize my time. Reorganize my life. My business.

Because the hard truth is – raising a family is difficult. I’m officially outnumbered with three boys + a husband. Testosterone runs my life.

But, because I’m a priority, just as my kid's football, drama, field trips, and school. My health and well being should be on the top of that list, too. Not just everyone else’s activities or wants or needs.

I’m important. And for the past few years, I haven’t been at the top of my priority list.

And that’s changing.

Creating the life I want. Not just reacting to what it is or should be. But what I’m doing and where I’m going.

How can I be of service to the world, to my family, but more importantly, to myself?

How can I inject more FUN into my life?

My oldest on Splash Mountain at Disneyland last month. 

How can I be a better mother, daughter, wife, sister, a friend without being a better person to myself first?

So, I invite you.

Are you living the life you want? Or one that someone else told you you should be living?

Are you stressed, tired, overwhelmed, mentally, and physically exhausted? And feeling like you’re not being your best?

Let’s all stop the would’s, could’s, and should’s.

And start focusing on our wants, needs, and desires.

Don’t wait for a tragedy to happen. Like I did. 

How do you want to feel every day? In your body? In your life? With your family? In your work and the work, you put out into the world? In your play?

How can you show up for yourself more?

Ask your body what she needs. And stop. To listen. You’ve only got one. And only one life. 

Let’s make it the best, the sexiest, confident, healthy beauty it can be.

Powerful, strong, waking up to life every day to the fullest.

Wanna join me?

Let’s do this! 

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. 

What are you truly here for? What’s your truth and your why?

Share with me so we can create a movement of women who are raw, who think, who share their stories, who aren’t afraid to live a better, more vibrant life, who want to take the first steps to take care of themselves. #selfcareisntselfish

Hugs always,

xoxoxo

Shauna 

PS – Here’s a raw photo of me today.

In my hotel room.

In San Diego.

It’s crazy windy outside, and a huge storm is about to hit.

I took the photo about 15 times. And deleted each one.

My hair is messy. I have no makeup on. I’m sleep-deprived because of the partiers last night next to my room.

But I made a decision.

To post the next photo. 

In the raw.

Just me.

No deleting.

No cropping, putting on makeup, changing my outfit to a brighter color. No editing.

Just me.

So, there it is. 

Shauna in the raw. 

Here’s to mom-hood, womanhood, raw-hood. Accepting ourselves for where we’re at right now. 

At this very moment.

Peace! ;)

PPS – Here’s an update on my husband — He’s fine. Cars were just wrecked. No, he wasn’t drinking or texting. Just made a split decision that turned out to be the wrong one.

Hugs!